Faith

I will never give up on the faith i have in people, although people may make really stupid decisions, or completly screw up their entire life.... I still have faith in them to turn it around and to make everything better. A very close friend of mine used to be a total druggie, he would smoke probably a good 8 times a day. He never went one second without being high, plus we would be partying every weekend with more stuff to smoke and drinking alcohol like it was water. It was horrible. Then, it became so bad he ended up leaving school for 2 years to go to rehab in Tennessee, he came back last year as a total new person. I couldn't believe my eyes, i got teary and started to cry. I was incredibly proud of him. Then about 2 months later we went on a church retreat and he shared to everyone how hard it was for him for those 2 years or rehab. He told everyone his deepest, darkest secrets and opened up to everyone around him.. which was his new family. He has been completly sober for the past couple years now. Why has he been sober, better and loving his life more then he ever as been?

Because i had faith in him.

Am i in Italy yet?

So, i have realized that i can not do my homework, there are so many different things in my life like my cell phone, ipod, tv, laptop for facebook, twitter, youtube and blogger that i cant focus at all.. NEVER. I have been tested for ADD/ADHD or whatever but they said i was fine. Hmmm.. i think they are wrong, hahaha. Anyway, Today i went to school running on 4 hours of sleep... yeah i know im a champ. But, someone said to me something that really stuck to me.. "even though it's your Junior year and it is the most stressfull time ever, you need to get through it and do you shit." Basically my friend was telling me that i need to stop complaining and just suck it up and do it. What worries me is.. if im like this now.. how the hell am i going to survive college? Yeah. I hate school so much. I'm really going to try and focus more on school now.. but i know thats not going to happen.. i have 12th Night coming up, i have Italy soon, Prom, a new movie im wroking in with my friend. Yeah.... Hahah, peace homework. I dont know, im just praying for a miracle to come and help me. Stress is what has been really killing me...

Grades - They have been mad sucky.
Parents- On my case about everything, EVERYTHING.
Colleges- Oh god, where the hell am i going to go?
Prom- Oh hey, my date ditched me.. I dont have one now.
Movie- Hardest thing to cast in my entire life, no joke. Joe and i have never been this stressed out in my entire life.

CAN I GO TO ITALY NOW!?

Emmaus Memories

Valentines day sucks. Espiacally when you are falling for a guy who already has a girlfriend, thats the basically the best part. Although i was really depressed all day yesterday and just sat around the house.. i walked by a rose on my dining room table. It was a Valentine rose that they sold a school from a really close friend of mine. It made me stop and look at it, i changed the water and just thought of all the good times me and this friend have had before. Even though Valentines Day is supposed to be for Lovers and relationships.. i believe that it is also for Friendship as well. You have to love the friendship you are in or you wont be happy with it. After i changed the water out of the cup and looked at the rose a little more and thanked god for my friends again, i know i have blogged about this like 3 times in a row.. but i dont care. I love my friends, they make me happy.

Also, Today My Emmaus friends (who i havent seen in a very long time) invited me to go bowling with all of them tonight, but i was also asked to hang out with my best friend at the same time who i see basically everyday.. I hate making decisions. They suck! I have been trying to decide all day what i want to do in a couple of hours, and i think i am going to go with my Emmaus friends. These people have helped me in soo many ways that i can not even imagine. They have also stuck by my side, they have never made fun of me for all of my mistakes and habits in the past and they were the ones who listen to me when i speak. But, dont get me wrong my bestfriend does all those things too.. But these people i feel that i can relate on another level with.. My faith . They have welcomed god into their lifes just like i have. These people tell me everyday that they love me and will never let me go. I need them and they need me. They are my family ... they are me.

GNO

Yesterday was alot of fun.. and when i mean yesterday i mean Friday. I had my annual GNO at my house. (Girls Night Out) It is always so much fun to have it with them. They make all my worries go away. We laugh, we cry, we tell storys, we drink, we eat cold pizza, give each other make-overs and pretend like there is not a care at all in the world. It was something i had been looking forward to in a long, LONG time. As we laughed and kept each other up until 5:00AM , it made me think about how much i miss it. I just miss being with my girls. Guys lately haven't been the greatest thing in the world for me lately. My prom date ditched me for his girlfriend who has taken over his life. Whatever, Hey.. What are you going to do? Anyway, Even though i say it all the time, im friends with alot of girls and alot of guys. Some girlfriends will be all bitchy and annoying, and then the boyfriends will just not care about your feelings or ditch you for another friend. I've realized that there are some people in my life who will always stay.. and others who wont. To those people, like the girls from my GNO'S.. i truly am greatful for.

Friends Forever

I've been meaning to blog all day, I just haven't hade the time for it. Well, we had a delay today and so we got out of school at around 1:50. After school was over Ellen, Adam and i all went out to Panera for some food. IT WAS GREAT. I've been eating alot of Panera lately.. But i honestly don't seem to mind. If there was anywhere i wouldn't mind spending all my money on.. It would be there. Anyway, besides the incredible food that Panera provides... i had such a great time with Ellen and Adam. I have grown up with these two kids since 5th grade, and it really takes me back. It makes me realize that even though alot of people can change and usually do when the get to high school, i always have them two to share laughs and memories with. Basically, I miss the good ole' days. We talked about People, Places, Music, Shows, Movies, Jobs and a bunch more. Before we knew it we all had to get home. As we blasted the Lady Gaga music in Abeast's car.. It made me feel like maybe things are turning out to get a little better as the days move on.

Well, After i got home later tonight Joe came over to work on some new Movie stuff. We are really moving along with the script and characters.. but we are having a difficult time casting. Its such a small movie and we want the best people possible for each part. Well anyway, after we were done trying to elimanate down to top 5 for each character.. we decided we wanted to go what we do best and what we do all the time with each other.... Drive around and sing. So we did. It was great, I mean i wasn't different then any of the other times we have.. but still. I dont really know.. I guess it was a good night. But, all i know is when Joe was belting some note in a song.. i stopped and stared out the window for a little while, and just took it all in.. Joe and i have been friends since i was in 7th grade.. Im a junior in high school now.. so whats that? 4 years?! Thats pretty strong if you ask me, I've had longer friendships with others but Joe's is deffinitly different. Even though we can get on each others never sometimes, we really do enjoy each others company. As i stared out the window, i looked back at him and realized that even though the kid will be leaving me in like 5 or 6 months.. i really need to appreciate the time i have left with him. I dont want to sound all sappy and like he's dieing or something.. but it is true if you really think about it. I dont know.. all i know is that i wanted to freeze time while we blasted our showtunes, laughed and sang our hearts out to each other. It felt so right, i really dont want high school to end just yet.. Is that bad to say? Because i have always complained on how i want to get the fuck out of this stupid town. But hey.. maybe i'm wrong...

Stress

I woke up at around 2:00 in the afternoon today, it was gloriuosss. Anyway, I've realized something, that for me sometimes the most smallest things can really set my day off. I hate it though. It makes me feel like i am just like my mother. I remember when i was around 12 or 13 when my mom and i would fight all the time and my dad would tell me how "the smallest things can set off your mother." I hated that. And now, i feel like it's happening to me.. I want it to go away. This morning a friend and i got into a small disagreement, he called me being all upset about such and i answered with a big smile on becuase my day was going pretty okay so far.. well one thing led to another... and when i tried to text and call him back, he hasn't answered. And with that.. It makes me feel like complete crap. Whenever i get into a fight with a friend or family, even if i am the one who is wrong or they are.. I can't stop thinking that "what did i do wrong now?" or "i wonder what he/she is doing now" or even "..we really need to talk but they wont listen to me." I am the type of person where when i get into a fight, i dont turn around and walk away from it.. I stand my ground and try to talk it out. I have always thought that it was the best way to resolve something. Anyway, I cant stop thinking about that kind of stuff lately, I have gotten into numerous fights with a girl who used to be my best friend.. and now i dont know what we are anymore. Fights, grades, parents, making movies, and boys are just all being very, VERY complicated right now. I wish it would all go away sometimes...

Welcome!

Hiya There! I am very, VERY new to Blogging. I did it like twice back in freshman year.. (I sort of sound like i am talking about something illegal like pot or alcohol.) and it never really worked out. But two of my favorite people in the whole world started to make one, and the both really touched my heart after i read them. Sooooo, as you can see i decided to make one myself as well. I am super excited to be getting one of these and i cant wait to start! I will try to update this as much as i can, and hope you enjoy!